Standard & Poor’s to Downgrade All of Human Existence

In an unprecedented  move, the Standard & Poor’s (S&P) Rating Agency warned that the entire human race may lose it’s coveted AAA rating on Tuesday evening.  Although immediate market reaction was muted, given an inherent shortage of personal space shuttles to send investor capital out of earth’s atmosphere , various central banks are considering options for Joint Shuttle Fund Programs (JSFP’s) that could pool government reserves into Single Rocket Vehicles (SRV’s) that may yet provide some type of safe-haven for jittery investors. When asked about the implications of sending perishable paper currency 0nto planetary environments that were several thousand degrees hotter than earth’s, heads of state responded with “That’s a chance we are willing to take, we just hope our currency is worth something by the time it gets there.”  It is said that repatriation flows have kept the world/alien currency exchange rate relatively stable following the announcement, but who knows how long that can be sustained for.

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